humorous poems

Autobiography | Stan Morrison

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I gave mrs fields my recipes, advised ann landers
I later served in the army under colonel sanders
I went to junior high with dr sholls, and then
I graduated rice university with uncle ben
I also dated Julia child
until things got too wild
she said she was on a mission
and I had to get outa the kitchen
in my opera debut I played palyacho
I knew all the greats and the not so
many more memories to mention
thank you for your kind attention
….and that’s the truth!

Animal Kingdom | Stan Morrison

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how do you pronounce the e in giraffe
what exactly makes the hyenas laugh
rabbits are silent, wiggling their nose
sniffing for carrots or maybe a rose
i’ve noticed cats just stick with meow
wanting to say more, not knowing how
elephants play trumpets, raccoons on bassoons
they’re forming a band and will be ready soon

Nine Odd Haiku | Denny E. Marshall

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knew had chance
name of new zine
rejection

don’t like things
that spin
removed from earth

timber area
internet usage triples
it’s login season

super computer
lightning fast and powerful
cape could be better

train station nary
locomotives on steel tracks
never seem to move

new pro football team
doubt they go to super bowl
they pick the name punts

strike long metal blade
on the thick stone prison wall
penn stronger than sword

university
offers three hundred degrees
must be an oven

the strict judge gave him
punishment of death sentence
ask, commas allowed?

History Lesson | Stan Morrison

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mason dixon lewis and clark
went exploring until it got dark
stumbled into the indian ocean
celebrated there with great emotion
many say the french-russian revolution
can be considered as the final solution
never mind what makes good sense
based on the facts and the evidence
make up anything and write a book
everyone’ll trust you if you’re a crook

Vegetable Matters | Stan Morrison

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onions make me cry
carrots make me laugh
parsnips love taking sides
while celery stands alone

potatoes are so appealing
and tomatoes kinda seedy
turnips turn up their noses
but peas remain undecided

luckily there is broccoli
with cauliflower so pale
parsnips are playing squash
as rutabagas are rooting on

Homage to Audrey Geisel | Stan Morrison

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I think its quite imposs-terous
Yes, it’s totally hippo-posterous
To take your pet rhinosaurus
Riding in a flying saucer-ous
It’s like you’re flying in a rocket
And suddenly losing as sprocket
Then finding one in your pocket
I’d like to keep this whole thing real
Let’s take a ride in the Seuss-mobile

Six Haiku | Denny E. Marshall

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locked in your wife’s car
evil in-dash computer
seeks revenge and death

in ear
not tiny hearing aid
new smart phone

large cell phone study
find brain damage caused by tons
of useless minutes

this generation
when they give teacher apple
gift is expensive

four seasons
named
again the fall guy

superman stuck
worthy foe
superglue

More at http://www.dennymarshall.com/.

Believe It or Not | Stan Morrison

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there’s no hill in hillsboro
and no gold in goldsboro
crocodiles actually do shed tears
as proven in a court of their peers
clocks don’t really say the time
they stay quiet like a sorta mime
elephants have been known to forget
waterproof raincoats always get wet
no wonder there’s so much confusion
even a mirage can turn into an illusion

Asymmetry | Stan Morrison

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Deserve?
What an amorphous word!
“I really didn’t deserve that.”
“He got just what he deserved.”
Is there a deserve committee?
Does it have international units?
Deserve is more like a bullseye
Drawn around some stray arrow
That landed I know not where
What are you talking about?

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