original poem

She’s gone
Left this earth
Fought the battle
Went quietly
A little morphine
To speed her path

There are messages
On the voice mail
Ones I saved along the way
Knowing this day would come

Can’t listen yet
Maybe in time
Knowing they are there
Gives me comfort
In a morbid kind of way

She was mostly good
Lived by a code
Did things the right way
Old school if you will

A day will come
When I go to the well
Not now though
The earth is still wet
I’m not ready to take the plunge

I wish you had known her
Pragmatic, classy and wise
One day I will listen
Not now though but soon…

You rest in peace
Under my swollen eyes
I never knew
My tear glands could produce
So much tears
Till I experimented at your death

Everybody is here
Our friends, your parents
Even my coworkers and yours
They remind me the god given precious moments
I wasted without spending with you
Holding your hand for one more minute
Kissing your forehead for one more second
Cooking you one more romantic dinner

How many times did I dropped a lazy text
Telling you I can’t meet you
‘cause of a board meeting
A funeral of a friend
Shopping at MC
Or a movie with friends or
A get together in the school
Or a Bodhi Pooja in the temple
How many days did I spend without you
Abroad during conferences and
Workshops

How many nights did I spend at friends’ houses
Leaving you alone on a cold bed at a mute house

Then I thought it is just an hour, just a day, just a night or just a
week
And that I have a lifetime to spend with you
But
Here you are, lying motionless as frozen ice
Ashen and cold
My tears that stubbornly wet your chest to rouse you
Come to no avail
If I have just one more week, one more day, one more hour or one more
minute
To hold your hand
To touch your lips
To tell you a thousand things I wanted to tell you
But never had the time
If I could say I love you one last time…

But now there’s no time
I’ve wasted the precious time
Like a fool and now regret

I dismantled the Milky Way
Immersed it in the Mariana crate
Uprooted the Himalayas
Smashed them into bits and
Blew to the empty void of the space

When you were no longer there?
What use of them were to me?

I removed the stars
Didn’t let them shine any more
Covered the azure blue
Of the sky with white

I made them all mourn
For my unforeseen loss

There was none to empathise
Though there were many who spat
Empty, cliché expressions of ‘good manners,’
‘I am very sorry about your loss.’

My pain, my devastation and my desperation
Inflated in to a rage
That devoured the world and made it barren
Ruined the world, no Noahs exempted
Cause there were no Noahs who knew what was love and kindness
I don’t apologise
I am not sorry for the loss of the Earth
When you were not there
What was the use of that indurate world?