There is a sadness
In my heart
That never goes away.
It follows me
Like a shadow
Every night and every day.
It has become
A play- thing of sorts
Like a long-lost teddy bear
It makes me shed tears
When I need to
And it brings me a little comfort
When I need that too,
But someday I hope to lose
This sorrowful shadow of mine
And find something better
To ease my weary mind.
The rain falls again.
Forced to embrace the
silence in this solitude.
Where memories come
into view.
Twisted images
of me and you.
Like a nightmare
that keeps eating
away on my mind.
The wind sounds like
a unbridled symphony.
Untamed at
my consciousness.
Slowly killing my
spirit continuously.
For I was cradled
by your claws of deceit.
Too much of sadness
and tears.
I’m tired of thinking
of you for all these years.
More at https://allpoetry.com/poem/14514917-Reminiscent-by-Raven1109.
I sleep in a bed with two pillows
sadly such irony doesn’t escape me
I’m the victim master of this misery
my desk chair has become my throne
is this truly where I live
this address is so strange
it must that I live here
all my keys seem to fit
how much longer am I to live
I need to know how to pace it
with no access to answers
must I keep going doing
all my joys are mixed with memories
getting me through this blur of days
I can no longer stand this wallowing
my self pity permit’s long expired
don’t ask me for new insights
don’t spring any of your own
you won’t uncover how I’m coping
crying laughing in the summer rain
my broken heart
lays on the ground
lonely without you
not knowing what to do
empty of hope- life- love
everything worthwhile
i look through pictures of
when we were together
all the good times
all the love
everything that was me and you
that had any meaning
i miss you
i love you
i guess i’ll have to get over you
not my first choice
but the only one i’m left with
There is nothing left now but bits
and bones of the mother I’d known.
Her hair once shiny and nicely styled,
smelling lemony with each morning hug,
now dirty, mousy gray, scraggly.
Hanging down to her knees like
an old curtain. It drapes one eye.
She reminds me of Veronica Lake,
I tell her. She stares at me blankly, this
woman who once watched movies with me,
shared memories of stars “back in the
day” when movies were better, she’d say.
“You tried to braid my hair,” she accuses me,
this stranger’s eyes glaring “I didn’t, Mom.”
My voice quivers and I am trapped in thoughts
of a 10-year-old child caught in a lie she
never told. My heart soars back decades, when
she braided my hair so tightly, so perfectly painful.
I would close my eyes, try to soak back tears, hoping
the ordeal would soon end, but dared not complain.
Even then, I knew looking nice was as vital to her as
breathing. She expected the same of me. Still, it was
torture. Seams didn’t match. Pants were too baggy. Or
too tight. And what’s that fleck no one saw but her?
I miss those days now. Her distorted mirror shattered,
her critical eye blinded by Alzheimer’s. I long for
the days of painful braiding, lemony hugs and gushing
over old movie stars, favorite films. I’ll still see her on
holidays she no longer knows and bring her flowers
she demands I take when I leave. Then I’ll go home
and wait to hear when the vultures of Alzheimer’s
have spit out her last bits of bones, now turned to dust.
We sat in silence
Drinking whiskey
No words left
Just grief and bourbon
Toasting nevermore
Broken
This sweeping
weeping
soggy saga
of sadness
which clouds
this guy’s eyes
while raining
question marks
from the skies
is finally getting
me where it hurts
making me
a toddler who
is never allowed
desserts
and I will wail
tonsils vibrating
the sort of shriek
that could ruin your week
until somebody
pinches my cheek
a little too hard
for my own good
while repeating
the outdated phrase
‘big boys don’t cry’
until it is
thoroughly understood
and then I will tell them
that sorrow is a crucial
part of my identity
and to kindly lay off
my masculinity
More at http://www.ivanjenson.com/.
The sky is black
my heart is sick
my soul is broken
my life is torn
if
i think of you
I smile happily
I’m sitting alone in this damp street
No one but me and the moonbeams
Stars are shyly showing off their dazzling charm
The wind is passionately touching the tree’s silhouette
I’m silently watching them dancing to my mute melancholy
My volcano is strangely so wise tonight
My earthquake is finally constant
My tsunami is completely dry
No damaged fantasy
No query for a smashed memory
October’s moon is so plump
No more you within its sheen
I know, it’s a temporary truce
Between hate and love
I know I’ll crave you by noon
Yes I’m in the loop
But at this point, I’m over my love disaster
I’m missing you right now but I don’t lust for you
Obviously I’m thinking about you
But at this moment I don’t wanna behold you
You who carelessly watched me making out with sadness
And proudly locked me in the cage of loneliness
You who promised to keep me warm inside your chest
You who ghosted me with a cheap finesse
Instead of painting the vibrant amber, yellows, and reds of our 4th autumn
I’m writing the end of our finis chapter
Darling, I’m not hating you
But I’m not forgiving myself for loving you
For sending all my starry prayers only to you
For forgetting myself just to remember you
For sucking your anxiety just to hearten you
For dating the night just to meet you
For faking my satisfaction just to delight you
For believing the masquerade written by you
For cutting off what I needed and gave it to you
But I was invisible in your cold fortress
Where I thought I’d loose it with the flame of my romance
I was thrown away in your wizened forest
Where I believed I was your red tulips
In the end, I was your first falls leaf that fell from your sick tree
And set it free with a grip of an icy wind
Tonight, I’m lost on this wet sidewalk
Somewhere out of your zone
Aloof place where my broken heart was buried
I remember, you were my Bethlehem’s star
Everything was ridden by your shade
And I was a fool for believing that I was your sun
Sure, Love was never happy by my side
I lied to myself and now I’m paying off the debt
Tonight I’m stripping off my soul from its last ill hope
Tonight I’m on my knees apologizing to these sparkly creatures
For absorbing their spiritual energy
In order to protect who left me murdered
By the ghost of him
Who’s still dwelling within me
Tonight I’m dimming between these moving clouds
Losing myself to this wistful breeze
Weaving my torn spirit with hued autumnal notes
Before waking up from this dream
And back to beg my heart to stop begging you
Tomorrow I’ll fall again, break down again, and get rejected again
But tonight I’m giving up on my life
This life called ‘YOU’…
More at https://pygswhisper77.wixsite.com/pygswhisperofficial/one-autumn-night.