i saw a little leaf whirling in the wind,
didn’t want to fall from the tree
but the leaf keeps falling over,
i prop it up, it falls again .
At the end, the heartbroken leaf
leaves a tear when it falls
and says goodbye to the tree.
Now, the little leaf, reincarnated into the earth
and started its cycle all over again.
Little leaf, the storyteller of our life.
I want to get my old life back
want-need-love-hate-feel sad
doesn’t diminish my unrest
I just want to get my old life back
no reading, drawing or writing
no reichian breathing, meditation
can move the needle backwards
I sincerely want my old life back
I made peace with the remedies
designed to seem rather than be
what I have is not what I did have
I still dream that my old life is back.
Imagine a grief like this:
long lean empty arms,
a runner’s legs marking unfinished miles.
Sunday days, stretches of desert.
Drawn out sentences.
Streams of consciousness
open to nothingness but
dusty roads prickled with green
finger-like conical trees, living, but dead-looking,
sharp and pointed.
No touching, no softness, no healing.
Amazingly unnaturally natural.
Haunting signs of grief.
A cactus,
Black-threaded stitches puncture my happiness,
the ridges on the desert’s prize:
the saguaro of grief.
When I miss your soul,
I send my heart, hidden explorer, to you.
I imagine we are together again,
at least for a few moments,
and our souls thread like in the old times…
Once there was us
In a swirling miasma
Two beings finding
Each other in
The darkness
A sound heard
Across time
Not able to be ignored
Times spent in delight
Changes coming our way
A wave goodbye
A song unsung
These days I walk
at an easy pace
In cold autumn months
I choose sheltered streets
where wind is more merciful
to my face
Climbing up steep terrain
tires my heart,
each breath gasps for the next
I no longer try to be
a marathon runner
In the end of it all
time catches up- anyway
Today I bade farewell again
to another season
Watch last oak leaves
falling onto a cold ground
Take the time to listen
to my own footsteps
Sometimes, I think of us
in idyllic northern summer
lazing by the winding river
Gazing over water ripples
stealing our reflections
Riding horses through
corn fields- unfazed of
what is behind our sphere
Little we knew then how
in the future
we had to carry the world
on our shoulders,
loaded with consequences
of our actions
Decisions made in haste
not knowing how in life
everything has its price
These days I walk with care
I don’t want inflict pain
on anyone- on anything
I hope you too think of the time
where we stepped into adulthood
and on this crossroad of life,
we lost each other- forever
Eternally bereft of
Anything like the
Feeling I had when
We were walking
Hand in hand on
The beach, nothing
But the sound of
The ocean and the
Sense we were
Entering a new time.
Fathers and Sons: Love Redux
My dad wasn’t wordy
I can’t remember affection
He never told me he loved me
If he did, I don’t remember it
Strong silent type he was
I grew up quiet
Till I started to speak more
Then everyone wished I’d shut the hell up
My mom told me my dad loved us very much
I wanted to hear it from him
On my wedding day he said it
Collectively in a toast he pronounced his love grandly
I always wanted more from him
I wanted his knowledge, his craft
He’s gone 20 years now
I’m still trying ……
Red hair and black leather
My favorite color scheme
I miss the way you danced with me
But missing is not enough
I miss the way you held me close
Yet missing is not enough
I long for more of everything
And nothing is enough
I miss the way we laughed
